Redneck In Domino
by Chaz E. Mataz
Summary: Tea is stalked by a bunch of rednecks. When the police can't crack the case, she, her friends, and family take matters into their own hands, battling against the horrible family of redneck cannibals and their own sanity.
1. Chapter 1

Redneck In Domino

Written by, Chaz E. Mataz

Summary: Tea is stalked by a bunch of rednecks. When the police can't crack the case, she, her friends, and family take matters into their own hands, battling against the horrible family of redneck cannibals and their own sanity.

Disclaimer: I dont own Yugioh, and never will. Unfortunatly. Oh well, I dont really even like the cards that much any more, just the anime...

Also, just so you know, this is a murder mystery story, and is slightly humorous and very bloody. So brace yourself!

Dedicated to my friends: my best friends Michel Preston and Macy Willson, my very good friends Jacob Thorp, Eric Kimbel, and Jordan Fisher, my dog Chaz (Who is responsible for making my days always more cheerful), my grandma and grandpa Hagan and Zallow, my great aunt mary, and my cousins Nik, Kirsten, and Donny.

And lovingly dedicated also to my nice and supportive mom.

And I suppose... where would I be without my dad and my 2 annoying brother's... "constructive critism"?

Redneck In Domino

The phone rings.

Tristan Taylor, a young teen with spiked brown hair, answers it.

"Hello?" He asks.

"Hello." the voice sounds very deep and booming, almost metallic.

" Who is this?" Tristan asks.

"You tell me."

Tristan raises his eyebrows.

"Joey, is that you?"  
No answer.

"I know its you, Joey! Give it up!" Tristan laughs.

Still no answer.

" Okay, Joey, this is starting to creep me out." Tristan starts to shake a little.

"What if I'm not Joey?" the voice visciously asks.

Tristan screams into the reciever, "Then who the hell are you?"  
The voice coolly replies, "Its not who I am. Its where I am."

Tristan walks into his kitchen. "Then where are you?"

"On the balcony."  
Tristan laughs. "Joey it is you."  
He walks slowly to the balcony. "I'll call your bluff!" He pulls back the curtains. Nobody's there.

"OK then, tough guy, where are you now?"  
"I can still see you."  
Tristan grins from ear to ear. He sticks up his middle finger and turns around "Then what am I doing right now?"

"If you give me the finger one more time, you will die you son of a bitch!"  
Tristan laughs, then sticks it up one more time. Just then, out of the closet bursts a man dressed in overalls, and has a straw hat on. He carries a butcher knife. He tackles Tristan. the two struggle on the floor. Tristan punches him and throws him off. Then the man pounces, and stabs Tristan right in the chest. Tristan gasps, coughing out blood. The man stabs him again, and again, and again. "Fuck... you..."

Tristan dies in his small apartment.

Tea Gardner is strolling through the park, taking in the breeze and scents of early November. She stops at a bench in the middle of the park, and sits down, laying her umbrella down next to her feet, resting. "What a nice day. It reminds me of the day when I firt met Yugi..."

She sighs. It has been a year since they returned from Yugi's memory, and defeated the dread Zork and Bakura. How she missed him dearly. Shortly after Yami left Yugi, Yugi mysteriously dissapeared. Nobody knows what happened to him. She wipes a tear from her cheek. Just a few weeks ago, Tristen got stabbed to death by a mysterious assailant. Joey is going out with Mai Valentine. Oh, how Joey has greatly grown. Tea has Yugi's deck in her possesion. She takes it out an looks at his favorite card: the Dark Magician. A tear falls on it.

Perhaps, it was all a bad dream. Tea's psychiatrist said she was semi-delusional. However, that still doesnt explain why she has a white streak across her hair from trauma.

She stands up from the bench. She sighs, and puts the umbrella up again. Suddenly, a redneck jumps out from the bushes. Tea screams, and puts her hand over her mouth. The man is wearing nothing but overalls and a straw hat. He is grinning stupidly, his teeth all yellow. He smells like dog crap. Tea runs away! The redneck follows her. She runs through the park. People stare at her. "HELP! HELP!" Tea screams. Suddenly, a huge gust blows through. She gets knocked off her feet, slamming right into the redneck. She struggles to hold onto her umbrella. The redneck throws her off of him. She screams "AIYEEEEEEEEE!" And slams the umbrella on top of his head. The redneck stumbles back. She slams the umbrella over his head again. The redneck falls on the ground. "Stop, miss!" He shouts. Tea closes the umbrella. Now a crowd is forming. "Goodbye, move it!" Tea shoos them away. the crowd breaks. Tea helps the redneck up. "Why did you assult me like that? Who are you?" He stares at her. His breath smells like pot and beer. "Because I was attacked by them there bush!" Tea raises her eyebrows. "Man, this guy is nuts..." she thinks. "So, you were attacked by a bush?" She asks. The redneck looks frantic. He starts crying. "Yes, them there bush over there! I was walkin me away from yonder house! And then bush attacked!" He grabs her and hugs her. Then, all of a sudden, a puddle forms at her feet. "What is that?" She asks, pushing him off of her.

The puddle is blood.

Tea shrieks. She looks at her stomach: it is bleeding profusly. Tea screams. She does the only thing she can do to attract attention:  
"Rape! Rape! Help, I'm being raped!" She shrieks at the top of her lungs. The redneck smiles at her. "The thorns from them thar bush got me badly. Now you should have taste of their own spawn!" People start rushing at her to see what is the matter. Some police run over. "What is happening here, miss?"  
"This guy is psycho! He claims the bush was attacking him, then he stabbed me with thorns from the bush!"

The police look at her questioningly. " Who are you?" A cop asks.  
"Tea Gardner." She says.

Then one cop turns to the redneck. His drity aquamarine eyes are sparkling.

"Who are you?"  
"Earl. Duke Earl Susagep."

The cop slams handcuffs on his wrists. "You're coming with me for questioning."

The other cop is staring down at Tea's breasts. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Tea demands.

The cop blushes, and runs away.

A week later, Tea is yet again walking through the park. She is wearing a skirt and heels, and a jean jacket. This time, it looks like it is getting cloudy, so she turns to head home. An old woman walks right in front of her. The old woman stares at her. "What?" Tea asks. The old woman stops and turns. She has on a dirty old gray dress and an old dirty gray blouse. Her hair is done up in a bun. "You should be careful to whom you associate with, Tea." Tea gasps, and puts her hand over her mouth. How did this old lady know her name? " How did you know my name?" Tea asks. "A bird told me." The old lady says. Tea grabs her, "HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NAME?" Tea demands. The old lady punches her. Tea stumbles backwards and rubs her face where the old lady punched her. The old lady drops her cane and runs away. Tea stands up.

"THAT was no old lady."

&&

On the way home, Tea walks along the rows of stores. She stops at one that says:

"**DOMINO PET PARLOR! GRAND OPENING IS NOW! WE HAVE GREAT SELECTION OF EXOTIC PET AND STUFFS FOR YOU PLEASE! HAPPY FACE WE MAKE YOU HAVE WHEN YOU GET ONE PET OF ANY KIND YOU WILL TAKE PLEASE!" **

Tea rolls her eyes at the badly translated Japanese. She walks in the store.

The Domino Pet Parlor is a small store that has many pet cages with weird animals Tea has never seen before. She looks at one that has a sign that says:  
" DEEP THROATED KAKKABOO".

It looks like a fuzzy ball of fur. Except it has two horns purtruding out of it.

"YOU LIKE?" Tea jumps as a voice booms out from behind her. The voice comes from a small japanese man. His eyes are squinting and he is about half the size of Tea. He has on a busines suit and a party hat. He's grinning like an idiot.  
Tea looks at him "...What is it?" She asks.

"Ah, that is great selection! It is a 'Deep Throated Kakkaboo' from regions of African jungles and rainforests please. New discorvery! You like?"  
"Is it harmless?"

"Is very harmless! Is not even move! Just ball of fur that sometimes makes weird noises. Like it can copy your voice and whatever you say. Like this:"  
The man takes out a small, crystal key that causes Tea's eyes to widen. He opens the cage. He picks it up in his arms. He taps it twice. "Say: Hello, girl!"  
"Hello girl!" The kakkaboo says.

Tea giggles. "Its cute. How much does it cost?"  
The man looks at her and grins even more widely. "Four hundred dolla!"

Tea frowns. "Why don't I browse around some more?" .

"Fine then, great selection have we! Ring bell if you need assistance or make a selection!" He sprints back to a back room, leaving Tea dazed and giving her wiplash.

Tea puts her hands behind her back and walks around the store. Tea is amazed. She has never seen any of these animals before.

Suddenly, the door opens and a bell rings. Joey and Mai walk in, holding hands. When they see her, their eyes light up.

"TEA!" They both say. "Joey! Mai!" Tea runs over to them and hugs them both. Mai is dressed like a hooker: she has on nothing but a bowtie, a bra, and some panty hoes, stilleto heels, and a shirt skirt. Joey has on a white suit. "we were jus' goin' on a date, is all. Then we was goin' to go to my apartment, is all." Joey turns beet red. Mai hugs him. "We've been going out for five months stra-" Suddenly the japanese man bursts out of a nearby cage, causing Mai to scream and Tea to gasp. "WE HAVE GREAT SELECTION FOR YOU THAT YOU MUST LIKE PLEASE!" The Japanese man screams. Tea grabs her heat and looks up, relieved. Mai turns angry. 'If you do that to us again, I swear I'll kick your pansy little ass!" The Japanese man says "Sorry I am! Say 'Sum Ting Wong' if you need me you will!" And then runs back into the room.

"What a jackass" Joey says. " I know." Mai says. "Take it easy one him, guys. He apparently is just learning English." Says Tea.

"Hey, I want you to see this cute little thing!" Tea says.

Tea walks over to the cage of the Kakkaboo. She opens it (apparently, it is unlocked)...

and screams a bloodcurdling scream.

The Kakkaboo is now nothing but a heap of bloody and mangled fur.

And on top of it is a note.

Tea picks it up and reads it outloud:  
" BRING BAK TEH EARL OR U WIL DIE!"

Mai looks at it. "Who is the Earl?"  
Tea explains to them about the redneck at the park.

"Listen, Tea, do you want us to walk you home?" Joey asks.

Tea nods, "I'll be fine." She feels sick to her stomach. The Japanese man comes walking out. She slams the cage door shut. She strolls over to the next cage, which has a blue cover over it. "You like?" he asks. "Yes, I will have this."

The cage says:  
" Ratta Matat Poo".

The Japanese man grins. "a wonderful selection!" He picks up the cage and brings it over to the cash register. Tea bursts out crying. "What is wrong? Can I help?" The Japanese man says. "No, I'm fine." tea wipes her tears away.

"Ah, the Ratta Matat Poo! Cost three thousand dolla!" Tea writes him a check. "Three thousand dolla-- I mean, dollars." She nods. "Okay! Here is your Ratta Matat Owner's manual." He slams a huge book that is as thick as a Bible down on the counter. He then takes out a bag that say "THANK YOU PLEASE!" All over it and puts the manual in it. Tea picks up the cage. It is surprisingly light. Much lighter than the manual. "Whatever is in here must be a very fun and nice pet because I just spent $3,000 on it!" She thinks. "Have very nice happy day!" Says the Japanese man. Tea waves bye to him.  
"We're going to walk you home." Mai says.  
"No, I'm fine, really-"

"No, we are walking you home!" Joey says.

"Fine then!" Tea says.

Tea is escorted to her home by Mai and Joey. Her home is in the middle of nowhere, on the outskirts of Domino by a desert. It is a modest, country-like very old home. In the back of it is a farm. They walk her to the door.

"Well, bye guys." Tea says. Mai and Joey wave goodbye, and they leave.  
Tea inherited this home from her parents a year ago. They perished in a car crash. Tea found buried artifacts in the backyard that she sold for $800,000 to the Domino Museum. She is set for life and basically just lays back all day doing nothing. However, she does still work for the local bookstore, Second Time Around Books. It is a second hand bookstore. People donate books and they sell them. She works there with her Aunt Deen, who owns the place, her third cousin Fordley Gardner, and a mysterious, shadowy individual known only as "Ahmen Totam". He hardly ever talked. Hoever, he has become like one of the family, and has worked there for 7 years. Tea sort of has a crush on him.

It is weird, but she seems to be the only one who really understands him: his parents perished in a car crash too. Now he is all alone in the world. He lives in the apartment next to Joey's and Mai's. He has black hair with highlights, dark brown eyes, and glasses that shine whenever he walks out in the sunlight.

Tea opened the door and carried the cage inside. She set it down on the kitchen table. She set down the manual next to it. Very apprehesnivly, she slowly took the cover off of the cage.

"Hello, and I am Doctor Frendaz!"

Tea backs up and screams.

What is looking at her is about as big as her thumb. It looks exactly like a blue version of the cat in the hat with no hat on. In fact, it had no clothes on.

The thing just stood there staring at Tea.

"Uh... hi. I am your owner now. I just brought you. From the Japanese man in the Domino Pet Store."  
Tea smiled. The thing actually looked pretty cute.

She picked up the manual, and looked at the Table Of Contents. She read the introduction. This is what it said:

"Hello, and thanks for buying your Ratta Matat Poo! It will give you great love and affection.

The Ratta Matat Poo is a recent discovery. In 1989, several Jain monks in India were sipping a Chai Latte in their isolated hillside monastory and found the Ratta Matat Poo. Apparently it is exclusive to the area. They kept the Ratta Matat Poo secret until one accidently let slip that they were in the area. Reaserchers came and they were extreamly surprised.

The Ratta Matat Poo comes in many different colors, shapes, and sizes. It starts its life about 5 inches tall, and then matures to be about 2 feet tall. It walks on 2 legs and has a long tail extending from outside its buttocs. The most amazing ability of this astonishing creature is that it can talk! they are born with only knowing how to say "hello" and their name (which, interestingly, always has the word "Doctor" in front of it), which they select themselves. You can teach them how to talk by repeating a phrase 50 times. Unless you teach them what to say, then that is all they will say their whole entire lives.

Oddly enough, they eat grilled cheese sandswiches, and nothing else. They need nothing to drink.

You can also change their colors and buy special clothes for them. Their average lifespan is unknown, but the ones discovered in India are still alive.

They are immune to every disease except for food poisoning from eating anything other than grilled cheese.

Enjoy your exotic animal!

-- Sir Omaha Islash"

Tea's eyebrows were now raised in amazement. This was the weirdest animal she has ever seen. And perhaps the cutest.

Tea opened the cage and petted it. "Hello, my name is Doctor Frendaz!" It said gleefully. She put it up to her face and petted it. She thn prepared a grilled cheese sandwich.

While the cheese was melting, Tea put Doctor Frendaz back in his cage. She went to the bathroom. She pulled up the toilet seat-- and screamed again.

Taped onto the toilet seat, there was a note that said:

"IF U IS NOT GIVE EARL BAK IN A WEEK U DIE BYTCH!"

She picked it up, heart beating rapidly, and put it in her jean jacket pocket. She then took the grilled cheese, gave it to Doctor Frendaz, and went to the phone.

Suddenly it rang.

"Hello?" Tea said.

"Hello." The voice said.

"Who is this?"  
"You tell me."

Tea shuddered.

"How am I supposed to tell you who you are?"  
"Who are you?" The voice asked.

"Why?" Tea asked

"Because I want to know who I am looking at!"  
Tea screamed and slammed the reciever down. She closed the blinds on all her windows. The sun has set, and it was pitch black outside. Doctor Frendaz was eating grilled cheese, chomping happily away. She turned and looked around the kitchen. Nothing out of the ordinary. She then turned to the door outside. She locked it and bolted it. She looked around and saw a golden letter opener knife with the initials "T.L.G." on it, for "Tea Lois Gardner". She picked it up, prepared to use it as a weapon if need be. She then picked up the plate of grilled cheese, with Doctor Frendaz on it, and put it in the cage and shut the door tightly. He didn't seem to mind. She grabbed the phone and went to dial 911 but it rang again. She picked it up.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" She screamed, beggining to cry from terror.

" YOU LEAVE EARL ALONE!"  
"I don't have him! He got arrested!" Tea explained, now hyperventalating.

"YOU STUPID ASS COCK SHIT!" The voice exploded.

" LEAVE ME ALONE I DONT HAVE HIM JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! PLEASE!" Tea shrieked at the top of her lungs.

" GIMMIE EARL BACK BITCH!" The voice screamed.

" I don't HAVE him, you idiot!" Tea exploded.

She slammed the phone down. She picked up the cage, and began walking towards the door to the garage. She picked up her cell phone and called 911.

"Is this an emergency?"

"Yes killer 441 Rimsey Drive." Tea whispered.

"Okay. I just dispatched two squad cars. Try to remain calm."

Just then, through her dining room window, the lawn chair went flying. She ducked it just in time.

Tea screamed bloody murder. Doctor Frendaz also screamed just like her.  
Tea tip toed to the garage door. She slowly opened it and tip toed into the garage. She gasped when she realized she forgot her keys on the kitchen counter.

"Dammit!" She whispered. She slowly opened the door just in time to see a man with long overalls on open a closet and then run upstairs. Tea tiptoed to the keys on the kitchen counter and grabbed them. Then she went sprinting to the garage door and started the car. The door burst open to reveal the man. He was a real redneck with boots on and overalls and yellow teeth, a beard and a straw hat. He carried in his hand a butcher knife.

"IM GONNA GET YOU!" He screamed.

Tea and Doctor Frendaz screamed at the same time. The garage door opened slowly. The man runned to the window and pounded on it. He cracked it open and Tea swung back her letter opener at him. Blood splashed from his face. She put the keys in the ignition. The car wouldn't start.

Wrong keys.

Tea screamed and went running out of the car, carrying Doctor Frendaz's cage. She opened the back garage door and slammed it. She went running around the garage. The redneck burst out of the door, flailing his knife madly. He chased Tea down the driveway. Tea turned to look at him. He was right behind her! She screamed. He swung his knife round at her. She ducked just in time, bringing her leg back and kicking him right where it hurts. He doubles over in pain. Suddenly she hears police sirens, and sees them too. The redneck runs away. The police pull up. Tea explains to them what happened.  
The police give her a team of private investigators. They believe that this is connected to the murder of Tristan Taylor, and the abrupt dissapearance of Yugi Moto. They are even more shocked to hear that they knew each other.  
"Do you have anyplace to stay?" A cop asks.

"I will go to my grandparent's house." Tea says.

They drive her to her grandparent's home. It is in Galapagos, a few miles away from her house. They too live in the middle of nowhere.

They have an old, drafty castle they live in. Tea walks up to the door, and rings the doorbell.

An old, senile lady answers the door. She is dressed in traditional Japanese clothing and has her hair in a bun. She smiles. "Hello, Tea. Hello, Officers." She says. "Grandma... grandma, I need to stay with you and grandpa and great grandma." She goes through her tedious story of the redneck in the park. Her grandma Gardner is very shocked. "Yes, step right in! We will have you fixed up in no time at all!" The officers leave, saying they will be back every 30 minutes to check in on her.

She sets her Ratta Matat Poo down on the table. Their castle is surprisngly empty. Some of the furniture has white sheets on it. "What is in the cage?" grandma Gardner asks. Tea grins.

"Doctor Frendaz." she says. She takes off the cover to reveal a very shakey Doctor Frendaz. "He...hello, my name is Doctor F...f...rendaz!" He says. Tea picks him up in her hand and hugs him.  
"Oh, nothing to worry about, Doctor Frendaz!" She pets him. He clutches her jean jacket. Her grandma looks as if she just witnessed Tea pull out a live cobra and eat it whole.  
" What is that little thingy?" She asks.

"It is a Ratta Matat Poo. A rare species that can talk. Oh, and it only likes grilled cheese." She wipes a tear from her eyes. She is in shock, and still shaking.

"Phillip! Phillip, get down here!"  
An old man walks slowly in with a cane. He has his pants pulled up to his belly button and is so bent over if he was bent over anymore he'd be upside down. "Oh, hello Tea."  
Tea again goes through her horrifying tale.

"We'll take care of you, Tea. Now don't you worry."  
"Come, let me show you your room."  
The castle is enourmous, and it takes them 5 minutes to get up to her room. It has a plain white bedspread and an armorie, a closet, and a vanity set.

Right now, it looked like the most inviting place in the world. "And here is your bathroom, dear." Grandma Gardner shows her to a bathroom with a jacuzzi in it and towels. "Now, you take your time, you hear? We have bed clothes for you."

After they leave, Tea steps into the bathtub. She falls asleep and wakes up to the sound of her grandma banging onto the door. "Tea, wake up in there! It's 12:00 A.M." "Sorry grandma" Tea yells. She stays in for a little while longer, then gets out. She gets dressed into the bedclothes laying on her bed. She then gasps when a man walks into the room.

It was just Simmis, the butler. "Sorry to frighten you, madame, but I thought you might enjoy a chai latte. Misstress Gardner said you always did like them." Tea grins. "Thank you." She says. Simmis walks out.

She sips the chai latte, and talks to Doctor Frendaz. "Hopefully, they will never find me here." she says.

Her cellphone, laying on her nightstand, rings. Tea answers it.

"Hello?" she asks, noticably nervous.

"Hello, Tea." The voice replies.

"um... who is this?" she asks.

Tea dreaded the reply, but she knew it was coming. So does Doctor Frendaz, apparently.

"You tell me."

END OF REDNECK IN DOMINO I

By,

Chaz E. Mataz


	2. Chapter 2

Redneck in Domino

Chapter 2

Tea throws the cell phone against the wall. It bursts into a million tiny little pieces. Doctor Frendaz shrieks like a trumpet, and throws himself against his cage.

"Oh my god, Doctor Frendaz! GRANDMA GRANDPA HELP MEE!"

Grandma comes in. Her bun is lopsided and her glasses are falling slightly off of her face, obviously from being woken up so early. She has an elderly look about her, but it is still comforting to Tea as she runs out of bed and hugs her grandmother.

"What is it, Tea-sami?"  
Tea sniffles, and starts to cry. "I answered the phone, and-and… oh god! Now it's destroyed, too…"  
Grandma shakes her head in horror and slowly walks over to the broken phone.

"No matter, child. We'll get you another one. Now why don't you get some sleep? The redneck will never find you here, love. Would you like Simmis to sleep with you?"  
"Ew, no! That's perverted!"  
Simmis pops up behind grandma. Whenever Tea was scared sleeping in the castle when she was little, Simmis would sometimes read her a bedtime story. He would then go into hybernation mode, because he was a robot and needed his hibernation sleep for every few hours or else he would not function.  
It used to be charming, endearing, even; but now it was just nasty to Tea.  
"I'd just now graduated, Grandma. No offence, but the thought of Simmis by me when I sleep is just…eww no."  
Simmis beeps unhappily and Grandma walks over to pat her granddaughter on the back.

"Oh, and don't be scared if you hear booms and stuff in the night, darling. It's just grandpa in his lab doing science experiments."  
Tea nods and looks down at her hands which are shaking.

"I…am lost. Just not so long ago, I was whole, I had my friends and most of all I had my Yugi. Now nobody knows what has become of him…"  
Grandma nods understandingly. They all know what it is like to loose somebody for her own son perished in a car crash along with Tea's mother too a few years back. Thankfully, they've all fully recovered somewhat and were moving on.

"You are not lost yet, Tea-sami. Why, just wait for a week in the castle like good old times, and you will be lost very soon."  
Grandma giggles and leaves along with Simmis, who is sad because he cannot be by Tea while she sleeps.  
"Oh Doctor Frendaz…"  
"Hello, my name is Doctor Frendaz."  
Tea smiles and tries her best to fall asleep to the sound of the rain that is rapidly falling on the huge castle in the night.

~~~

"Oh, Tea-Sami! What a beautiful kimono!"  
Grandma and Tea were shopping in the Galapagos boutique for a kimono to wear to the regal Tea and Crumpets Annual Party. Tea blushed in an anime style in her purple floor-length double edged kimono. It was very pretty, but she felt awkward nonetheless.

"It is just… on these days particularly I miss Yugi. I do not know, and every corner I see that redneck-"  
"YOU LIKE PRETTY KIMONO IS TWENTY DOLLA YES!"  
Oh no it was that Japanese guy from the pet store!

"What are you doing here? I thought you worked at the pet store! And why do you pop out of nowhere like that?!"  
His eyes curved as he popped out from in front of them and he giggled with his hands held up to his mouth.  
"I sorry not used to customs of English! I know not how it is please in here! You like Kimono is twenty dolla!"  
"Fine we'll take the stupid kimono!"  
"Tea-Sami!"  
Tea throws the kimono at the man.

"Haven't I seen you before, ne?" Grandma Gardner asks him.  
"See me is possible! Many jobs I have. This is one of many that I work at. You see, I go by the title Sum Ting Wong."  
"He's a very jumpy little guy. And he speaks very poor English."  
"I have noticed, Tea-Sami. Say, is that sweater on sale?"  
Tea's face gets low as she realizes what Grandma's done.  
"OH YES! IS GREAT DEAL YES! WE HAVE SEVERAL ALL DIFFERENT COLORS NO?"  
Grandma is overwhelmed.  
"Uh… what-"  
"Perhaps you like this purple! Or blue! Red compliments your eyes like the color of the ocean please!"  
"Grandma lets go!" Tea tugs on her grandmother's arm and throws the money at the man.  
"COME AGAIN PLEASE THANKS!"

They get back into the castle and throw the bag with the kimono on the table in the Grand Dining Room.

"I should hope Simmis has prepared the cakes for the Ball later. They can't bake themselves you know!"  
Simmis comes walking into the Grand Dining Room and beeps.  
"A letter came when you were gone-beep. It says 'T-e-h Earl is done misst and bring him bak to us or u die'!"

Tea screams and looks at the note. She is hysterical, and jumps into the air and clutches her hair. Grandma Gardner tries her hardest to calm her down.  
"No! I don't have this earl person! What aren't they getting, those stupid rednecks!"  
"Tea-Sami! Calm down!"  
Grandma holds her and Simmis tries to pat her on the back but she pulls away because she is still creeped out from last night.

"We'll call the police. I know, that's what we'll do. Simmis fetch the phone plz!"  
Simmis is back in a flash and it gives them both whiplash.  
"Wow that was fast," states Tea. Grandma takes the phone and calls the police. When they come it is a woman and a man who are in blue uniforms with a donut in one hand.  
"What is it?" The woman asks, lazily. Tea rolls her eyes at the woman's laziness. I mean geeze you'd think they were paying her to sit around all day and eat donuts or something.

"We got this. You guys said you'd be around every half hour but you weren't and look what happened."  
The woman takes one look at the note and laughs.  
"This is an obvious forgery. There is nothing to be worried about."  
Tea's mouth hangs open very wide as she takes in this news.

"What…what makes you think that? How the hell is it a forgery?"  
"Don't ask. I mean just look at this handwriting. It's too neat for a rednecks."  
"How did you know it was a redneck's?"  
"Because we are monitoring this house maam."

Tea shook her head in disbelief. Talk about unhelpful!

"You guys are fired!" Tea yelled. Grandma put her arm around her shoulder comfortingly, but it was to no help at all.

"You can't fire us; you never hired us, maam."  
"I don't care! Get OUT!" Tea screams and points at the door. The police people hang their heads down low and leave.

Tea fells a metal hand going up her back and jumps.  
"Oh my God, Simmis! Stop! You perv!"  
Grandma is confused. Her alzheimers must be acting up or something. She shrugs, and turns to Tea.

"Well, just be ready for Tea and Crumpets Party later, it's in four hours or so. It's down here. Simmis, clean up, please."  
"Beep!" Simmis beeps and a broom comes out of his chest and he resumes sweeping up the room.

"If they aren't going to help me," Tea thinks, "I'll call someone who can…"

A/N: Who will Tea call?! Keep reading to find out!


End file.
